No Longer Scared of My Mind

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Life and this world is beautiful and wondrous. Actually, how would I know. The only thing I ever experience really is the vast wondrous universe of my mind. Even if I get up and go somewhere – to some other city, country whatever – the only thing I am experiencing is my mind and all it is presenting to me.

I was in Seattle once – a beautiful city, lakes, parks, houses in a row each one adorned with flowers, gorgeous healthy food in the grocery store near Tableau’s office. Even then, the only thing I was really experiencing was horror – for that was the state of my mind then. I could see the beauty from the corner of my eyes but the only thing I was experiencing was horror.

This is not about Seattle or that experience. Yet, it is clear evidence to me that the only thing I am ever experiencing is my mind. That I can experience horror and ecstasy both (sometimes even simultaneously), boredom and everything in between itself is so fascinating.

There was a time I used be scared of my mind. I could see that it contained so much energy – energy that can engulf me. I felt it had the ability to destroy me. Overwhelmed by the rush of thoughts I used to want to wrap it in a newspaper and throw it out of the window.

I do not feel scared anymore. I feel fascinated. Our mind is so wonderful, so worthy of being explored with love, not fear.

It might seem like if I am focused on my mind I am too self-centered. Well frankly I have been self-centered all along. Might as well accept the truth. Maybe all people are (self-centered). The question is just how expansive or limited we make our self to be. Despite my self-centeredness, sometimes when I do see and sense the beauty of another being, that too happens via my mind. That light enters my mind and that is how I receive that message of beauty in a fellow-being.

It is a tremendous gift that has been given to us – our mind. And we really can choose what we want to plant there. There really is no need to be slave to our mind. I think we never are. When we are not consciously experiencing our mind, we are just being numb. I used to be that way all the time before. I did not know any better. We are not taught to “experience our mind”. Even in that setting, while we are numb, our mind works for us, on our behalf. Our mind always works on our behalf, as per our bidding as we have tuned it, irrespective of whether we are conscious of our bidding or not.

At the same time, our mind is our connection point to the world and the universe and the energy force that powers it all. The first thought that occurs to me, the first “idea” that I get, to build something (say Kaavyaalaya way back in ’97, or Geet Gatiroop for example) – that idea, that thought sure came from somewhere beyond me – I cannot take credit for that first seed thought. At the maximum I can say that I caught the thought and acted on it, but the first thought surely came from “beyond”. And that is the case even as I continue to work on a project – there does seem to be a greater force that directs operations – keeping on sending next step directions to me via the wondrous phenomena of the mind and thoughts.

Absolutely fascinating! So worthy of careful study and observation. So imperative too. For like it or not, we all have been gifted by this super-powerful thing called the mind. Even if you want to, you *cannot* throw it out of the window. And so we *have to* be observant of our mind, know it better and tend to it. It is a must. And when we do that, fascination and rapture is inevitable. Along with terrifying and exhilarating roller-coaster rides, that is. Talk about adventure!


Image Credit: 95C / 92 Images. Pixabay.com

The Guide And The Demon

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Write *because* you are depressed. Write precisely because self-confidence is romping in the deep dark negatives. Even if you have nothing to say, write because you want to feel connected to yourself, your guide…

There is a guide and companion in me who is a friend. He has never failed me. There is also a demon in me who loves to hold me in it’s grips and thrash me about like a rag doll. Somehow, writing makes me feel more tangibly in connection with my guide-companion-friend. Most other times the mind is busy waltzing with the demon.

He, my guide, is very quiet. He does not order. He does not rage. He does not get excited at dreams coming true and other sundry candies. He does not keep presenting a report card on how I am doing every few seconds. The way to learn from my guide is simply to sit with him. His peace and equanimity simply relaxes everything. And then the demon storms in again…

And so it goes.

And so I have written. Some x number of words. Is it worthy of you dear reader? Here, in the midst of cacophonous internet, cacophonous Facebook, and our cacophonous mind. Raw and half-baked that it is. Without any “10 easy ways to go from demon to guide” guide?

Maybe it is worthy. For I am not unique. This guide and demon saga is playing in at least one other fellow being I would wager. Millions you say? Well then, millions it is. Together, we might as well intersperse this saga with a few chuckles when we can. And the more we can keep coming back again and again to our guide, in whatever way works for us, the better it gets (maybe), or the more challenging it gets (maybe). Whatever it gets, at least for those moments it gives a sense of ease (sometimes), similar to, quite simply, drinking water.


Image source: A puja pandal from the Kolkata 2016 Durga Pujas